A colleague of mine sent me a link to “Eggsploitation: The Fertility Industry Has a Dirty Little Secret” late last night – her email simply had the link – and word “WOW”.

I sat watching with my mouth looking like a bass fish  – open and gaping – as several young women told their horrifying story of being an egg donor in the United States. They spoke of feeling enticed by the money into donating their eggs – the poor explanations of what they could experience – and the tragedy of the complications that they unexpectedly faced as egg donors. The trailers on the website are riveting – and appalling.

It is certainly not a view – that recipient couples, egg donor coordinators, fertility specialists, and egg donor agencies will likely be comfortable seeing. But does that make it any less valid an exploration?

That is the struggle that those of us who live inside the fertility “industry” really have to grapple with.  So often – when these types of images of the fertility field are presented – we shout “foul play”! We pound our chests – and blog our hearts out about how unfair the media is to our field. You can hear us shout that
the entire story is never told – that the world of infertility is highly sensationalized  and distorted in order to sell magazines – or this evening news story.

Quite frankly – there is a great deal of truth in that opinion and outrage.  Frankly – even in the title of the documentary – calling the experience of egg donors a “dirty little secret’ is beyond over of the top. But the producers of the film  are marketing a documentary! If there is no dirty little secret – why buy a ticket?

And there will be people who will watch the clips – and perhaps even go see the documentary – who will come out drawing an analogy of these young women to aviation safety records – “You know – airplanes land safely every day across the country – thousands of them – and you never hear about that! But if ONE plane goes down – boy does that make the news!”  That’s because there is tragedy when even one airplane goes down – and we need to hear about it.

That is how I feel about “Eggsploitation” even where it fails in it’s own sensationalism. I am still wanting to hear the stories of these young women. It’s that important.  Look -  I didn’t like the trailer featuring the “experts” who said that egg donation is about rich older women taking advantage of younger women with good eggs. That is really horse shit – and shows a complete lack of understanding about the women who need donor egg.  I have never met a woman who needs donor eggs who is anything but grateful to donors. And the majority of the women who need donor egg are not rich.  That characterization was frankly wrong and horrifying – and in my mind brings down the messages that perhaps “Eggsploitation” is trying to get out.

We have to be very, very careful – with the young women who step up to donate their eggs.  We need to be careful about donor compensation being so high that young women feel enticed. We have to do a better job educating donors about the risks of egg donation – no matter how good everyone in the fertility field feels they are already doing it – we will have to do it better. These young women are making what I call “life time decisions” when they decide to donate their eggs. Even when their cycles go perfectly well (and most of them do) – these young women are giving up their genetic material forever – and exposing their bodies to a lot of unknowns in the process at a very young age.  That is simply real.

And we all have to cop to the fact – that no matter how careful we are – no matter how much time is spent – and how carefully these young women are consented and educated in the best of circumstances – people make all kinds of informed  decisions – for all kinds of reasons.

And sometimes – things just don’t go as planned.  And all we are left with is regret, pain and anger.

Posted under Egg Donation, Egg Donor Compensation, Fertility, egg donors, eggs, infertiity

I was reminded just the other day of the concept of “The Wounded Healer” by a fertility blogger named Keiko Zoll. Keiko writes a truly fabulous blog call “Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed” – and she has been doing this wonderful blog series on being an advocate.  I was truly touched and reminded about my own wounded healer in reading her words in A Belly Full of Fire: The Wounded Healer. Keiko like so many advocates – started her blog out of a desire to express her experience – to fill some unnameable void – to shout into the universe all that was in her heart and in her belly – and in doing so – by speaking with a courageous honesty – she found a community and became a healer. Her words touched hearts and erased the pain of feeling alone  for others. Keiko writes from her gut and  it is that kind of writing – that kind of honesty that touches people.

You don’t need a medical degree to be a healer. You can be a healer by raising money to support a cause  – my colleague and friend Andrea Bryman Lmft is walking to raise money for breast cancer (make a donation here) and recently another colleague and friend Amy Demma was so touched by friend’s struggle with cancer that she has decided to make her facebook status and all manner of communication on Monday’s dedicated to fertility and cancer.  She asked her friends to support her just by talking about the issues (Pam waving at Amy in support). And my husband loves telling this story about a nun who came to our summer house looking for clams to help cure cancer and I just found this piece about her in an old People’s Magazine.  Oh yes – Sister Arline also had fire in her belly.

You see – once you get a fire in your belly – anything is possible.  It is often that place of disbelief, that place at the edge of pain where the most incredible creation and healing can happen.  It was so good to be reminded of that this week. Even this old dog advocate sometimes needs encouragement to keep on keeping on.  You see – its not always fun and games – this place of “Fire in The Belly”.  Sometimes – writing, doing, and change making from the place of the wounded healer can be very vulnerable work.  I remember going on the Joan Lunden Show – my first media appearance with my baby in my arms – to talk about IVF.  I wanted to show that IVF babies were normal and beautiful. I remember how my knees shook – and how scared I was. I was coming out on national television as a woman who had infertility – and had an IVF baby.   My husband and I were so worried that other parents would in some way classify our kid as an IVF  experiment. We were really scared – IVF was so new 20 years ago. But we had a fire in our belly. We needed to talk to get the word out about infertility and the possible solutions.  We needed to show the world that IVF kids were normal. And so I went.  That day was perhaps my first day  as a wounded healer.

Once  you start your first blog,  write your first article, walk your first walk, or do whatever it is that you need to do for your own healing -  you may  find  that you too have taken your first steps on the road of the wounded healer.  It is through that delicious fire in the belly place – that all changes happens. And don’t worry if you sometimes you feel scared and alone.  When you hit that place – just take a breath and know that you are building a bridge for others to walk across.

Thanks Keiko for the reminder.

Posted under Advocacy, Facebook, Fertility, Fertility Blogs, Fertility Support, IVF, In Vitro Fertilization, Infertility, Keiko Zoll, inspirational thoughts

There is a lot out there right now in the traditional and social media about egg freezing. In fact just this past weekend The Boston Globe entered the conversation with a piece called “The Big Thaw”. Actually – it’s really all about the” Big Freeze” right now in fertility preservation technology. That’s the issue. There isn’t a lot of actually thawing going on in real live patients.  And that’s primary because of who needs egg freezing in the first place.  The women who are freezing their eggs – are usually cancer patients who are not ready to build their families (sometimes not for quite some time) and women who are facing the end of their biological potential who are not ready or able to start their families yet.  What that means is a lot of hope on ice.  And let’s be clear that is exactly what it is – hope.

But is that any different than anyone else accessing reproductive technologies ever?  Yes – we know more today about IVF success rates than we ever did – but that has taken time. Back in the day – when I did IVF -all we had was hope. We were being given a chance at hope – at possibility. But we weren’t discouraged from taking that chance – as I think women are in some circles  being discouraged from egg freezing because it is still experimental. I wonder if I would have done IVF when I was a going through infertility – if ASRM had released a statement about it being so unproven when I was a patient.

If I was a patient facing cancer – or a woman nearing the ledge of fertility decline (not yet ready or able to build my family) – and I knew that I wanted children someday – I would absolutely freeze my eggs today.   Yes – women need to be told that this is not an insurance policy – that this is experimental – and they need to be consented. But egg freezing holds real promise – and for those women who are at a place in their lives where it is take a chance or no chance – I would look them straight in the eye and say go for it.

We already know what not trying will give you – so why reach for the chance?

Posted under Egg Freezing, Fertility, Fertility Preservation

I have spent a great deal of my life working to prevent infertility – and in cases where we can’t prevent infertility – get those affected by infertility into treatment early when treatments are more likely to be successful.

When I was the Executive Director of The American Fertility Association – I did the work through the organization – and now I continue to do this work through my blog, the media, and through my job at East Coast Fertility where I visit ob/gyns with our doctors to bring education to their door step.

Going directly into the GYN office has been quite a learning experience for me.  About half of the doctors that I have visited in the last two years are women.  Women have not only achieved the right to equal status under the law – woman have become leaders in every field.  Many women are now being born into this expectation of no glass ceilings. These young women own their personal power and their birth right to accomplish anything. They often do not view gender as an obstacle to anything that they want to accomplish in their lives.  I love and support that!

Yet, when it comes to fertility education, I still encounter a kind of odd paternalism towards women and their ability to handle the facts around reproductive health when it comes the very particular subject area of reproductive aging and fertility preservation.   I used to be surprised when I bumped up against this during a presentation – but no longer.

This is how it usually goes. I schedule a presentation with a gynecologist’s office and I usually bring in lunch or breakfast - then I wait for the doctors and nurses to come in and grab something to eat. I often go with one of the reproductive endocrinologists that I work with at East Coast Fertility. We usually dish about life – and then talk about the various programs that we believe in at ECF such as Micro IVF or Single Embryo Transfer.

At some point the conversation usually turns to fertility preservation and fertility education. Now, this is not something that we are “selling”. This is a series of simple tests that the gynecologist can do in their office to let women know where they stand in regards to their own personal biological clock. It is our hope that gynecologists will do Fertility Evaluations for women every year – just like they do a pap smear. It is our hope that women are given the information that they need about their own bodies so that they can plan their reproductive futures – and make the best decisions for themselves.

But what sometimes happens is that there will be a gynecologist who will say that while they see many women who have no idea about their  biological clocks – that they do not want to worry women about their fertility. They don’t want to make women “anxious” about their biological clocks. In other words, they don’t want to worry our pretty little heads!! What ever happened to “Knowledge is Power?” Why is it politically correct to talk to women about STD’s, birth control, abortion, but not our reproductive potential? Isn’t this a form of gender bias – believing that women cannot handle information about their own bodies? That some how if we learn the truth about our own fertility – that this particular knowledge will make us go running out into the streets and grab the first man we see to make a baby! Or perhaps learning about our biological clocks will put us into such an emotional state of distress that we will need to be put on anti anxiety medication or worse! Do doctors really think that women can handle all of the information that is needed to go to medical school – but not fertility information?

Where is this coming from?

Doctors never have an issue “worrying” me or creating “anxiety” in me when it comes to my weight! Or when I am late to get a mammogram or pap smear! What is it about fertility that gets some of them all twitched? Is it that talking about a women’s possible  plans to be a mother, or talking about the possibility of becoming pregnant is some how considered anti feminist – where talking about “the pill” is considered pro feminist and politically correct? And who drew these lines?

I think that society has some interesting views about feminism. Sometimes, I feel like I am a permission giver. I walk around giving the facts to gynecologists about what women know and don’t know  – something that they really already know – and then I give them permission to talk about it with their patients. We are introducing a new idea – the idea that women are really entitled to complete information about their bodies. We are introducing this idea of a Fertility Evaluation – so women truly know where they stand.  I trust women. I trust women to be able to handle the truth about their own personal reproductive health and not jump off the Brooklyn Bridge because they learn that fertility begins to decline in the late twenties. I trust that when women are given information that they will make their own decisions. But I do believe that women need to be given this information – right in their gynecologist or general practitioners offices on a regular basis.  I am sorry if giving women this information can make some doctors uncomfortable. Perhaps I should start a support group!!!

Posted under Uncategorized

Many of you know a lot about me. You know already that I became a patient advocate in the field of infertility because of my own experience with infertility. I have a history of making my life experiences into my life’s work.  And I have noticed when I am quiet enough to have moments of inner reflection – how so much of what I get into forces me to experience the same challenges over and over again. The challenges just occur in a different venue, with different props and costumes.

Giving up control has never been easy for me – and therefore – once again – it is an aspect of my life that I play with a lot .What is it about surrendering that is so hard that sometimes I feel like I need my fingers pried off a project? “Really, Pam, – No REALLY Pam – we have got it!!!”.  Now it really doesn’t matter where that little piece of dialog came from – you get the message. The very idea of giving up control make me feel like the girl in this picture! Very, very anxious! It was as though if I had control over every aspect of my life – I could keep anxiety at bay.  Eventually – I did learn that surrendering to people that I truly trusted – was truly the way to keep anxiety from taking over my life.
Maybe the Universe offered up infertility to me – because I needed to really learn on some base level – that we can only do so much – and then we have to let go.  Infertility is a great one for teaching surrender.  We can show up – read all the books on infertility that are out there – interview and find the best doctors – hang out on message boards and infertility community websites trying to get the facts. We can show up at the doctor’s office with pad and pencil in hand – follow all of the protocol perfectly – and in the end – we are not in control of the outcome.  No matter what we do – there is always the two week wait! We have to give it up – and simply not know and not be in control. God I hated that.

And no matter what I did – the outcome was the outcome.  There is a special lesson in that – don’t you think? It is really about how we learn to cope with the unknown – and those things that we cannot control where we will find sanity.

I have found that the lessons that I learned during my own personal infertility struggle has helped me even so many years later. All of those feeling that I never wanted to feel – come back as I said – just on another stage.

Whether it was moving on from my organization, The American Fertility Association,  to deciding to write my book: SHAMELESS - there was only so much preparation for the experience that was possible. In the end – I had to simply give it up! After all the hard work, set intention, long hours, prayer and burning the mid night oil – I was really not in control of anything.

In medical treatment – it was my doctors and then good fortune who took my best efforts and then told me to trust them – and let them do their part of the heavy lifting! And I did. I let go – and simply had to let them carry my weight.  I had to truly learn trust.  And now so many years later – it is my publisher at Rodale – my editor and my publicity team that are taking all of my best efforts and making the final calls over “my baby”.   They are the ones in charge of editing my work, deciding what stays and what goes – and making such personal decisions about what picture of me is even going to be on the book.  I find my fingers wanting to curl around the manuscript – and my voice wanting to sneak out of my throat as I want to shout “Mine! Mine! Do it MY way!!!” But I learned a lot during those years of trusting my medical team – and I am trying to once again surrender control.  And boy oh boy – it isn’t easy to trust when you feel like your whole world is at stake.

But that is the challenge – and it doesn’t change.  So do your home work. Choose your doctors carefully. Make sure that you are in a place that you on a core level can trust. Once you feel that trust you know that you are home. Then my recommendation? Pry your fingers off o fthe  journey…..I am not saying that you don’t get to show up – and do your best. I am not saying that. But I am saying that once you pick your place – whether it is a fertility doctor – an editor, or a dentist -we all have to get to the place of being able to open our mouths, say “AHHH” and just trust. Without it- we will simply get in the way of our own success. The key is finding where you can truly trust and feel safe.

And I guess – I will be in the black jacket on the cover of my book – I really thought red was best.

Posted under A Purpose Driven Life, Fertility, Fertility Journey, Fertility Message Boards, Fertility Support, Opening to your Life's Purpose, Shameless, infertiity

I met Regina Townsend on Twitter or was it Face book?  She founded this wonderful little organization called The Broken Brown Egg which is dedicated to raising awareness of African American issues around infertility. She is working to erase the shame of infertility in her community – and the surrounding  the myths that plague the African Americans around fertility.

She is grass gross advocacy at it’s best. And I think that we should all support her. Join her organization. Follow her on twitter and friend her on Face book. Even better – we can help her raise a little money to keep her organization going!

In fact you can join Regina on September 17th at the A.H.A. Gala for African American Infertility in Chicago, Illinois.  The theme is changing African-American thoughts on infertility and reproductive health are Awareness, Hope, and Activism (A.H.A).

So On Friday, September 17, 2010, The BrokenBrownEgg is asking, “Have you had an A.H.A. Moment?” Join them at their formal introduction to the community where they will  also seek to raise funds for the cause: The A.H.A. Gala for African American Infertility.

This first annual gala seeks to address the inherent need for awareness and activism concerning minority infertility and reproductive health. The unique appeal of the gala is that it will raise funds for a Cade Foundation Family Building grant to be used for adoption or in-vitro fertilization expenses. This event is open to the public and will be held at the Loft on Lake, 1366 W. Lake Street., Chicago, Illinois.

Individual tickets are $60.00 and $480.00 for a table of 8. Please register at http:www.thebrokenbrownegg.eventbrite.com.

“The BrokenBrownEgg represents the brokenness of spirit that comes with infertility, the brokenness of information distributed to our community about infertility and reproduction,” says Regina Townsend, Founder and Executive Director of The Broken Brown Egg Inc. NFP. “but it also represents the fact that without that brokenness, change can’t come. You can’t have an omelet, a cake, bread, etc., without breaking at least ONE egg. I’ve been broken….but I’m creating something BEAUTIFUL. A bread that will nourish my people.”

The Broken Brown Egg was developed as a vehicle to begin cultivating more effective information and awareness for African-Americans and other minorities who face unique challenges when dealing with infertility. The organization is the brainchild of Regina Townsend and was first introduced as a blog in June of 2009. Since its inception, the organization has received positive support from Resolve,The National Infertility Association; Fertility Partnership, a growing fertility clinic located in Missouri; Family Acuity, a surrogacy and infertility consultation service, and many other family planning organizations. This event will be the signature celebration for the nonprofit, and we hope to see you there.

Please visit http:://www.thebrokenbrownegg.com for more information on this growing organization, tickets, and other upcoming events. Contact: Regina Townsend The Broken Brown Egg Inc. (NFP) 312.875.HOPE (4673) thebrokenbrownegg.com

Posted under African American Infertility, Broken Brown Egg

Last Thursday I dropped in on a seminar on egg donation in Argentina.  You see “Cross Border” reproduction,  “Fertility Tourism” or whatever you want to call it works both ways. People come to the United States for fertility treatment because they cannot access certain reproductive technologies  in their countries (such as egg donation and surrogacy) and people leave the United States because they cannot afford to pay for treatment.  It’s kind of wacky – isn’t it? And in all of the coming and going of patients – from one country to the next – has opened a kind of free market among fertility centers to work at attracting them to their centers. I know this. I have done this.

As I sat in the room that Dr. Demian Glujovsky from “Fertility Argentina”  rented in Manhattan – I watched the couples and single women roll in. I introduced myself – I got the feeling that Dr. Glujovsky was not thrilled that I was there. I was not a potential patient. He didn’t offer me any bottled water the way he offered the other maybe 20 people who sat with me and listened to a bit of tourism rolled into low cost baby making.

Did you know that Argentina is famous for tango dancing? We were shown pictures of a beautiful town outside of Buenos Aires where one could go skiing in the winter….or swimming in the summer. Very nice. I was reminded of how the American programs spoke about visiting NYC or Washington DC  to the lovely potential patients in the United Kingdom.

My stomach clenched in the memory. Yep – I think that I even did that at the Fertility Fair in London. Somehow – I was liking it less now. Interesting huh? Mirror, mirror on the wall?

We learned about the time line – how long it would take to make a baby via egg donation the South American way – about three months….The time one would spend in the airplane – about ten hours each way – Dr. Glujovsky assured us that “You can do it!” – and that egg donors were paid modestly and shared 2.6 ways to help reduce the cost.  2.6? I never understand numbers like that. I mean – who gets the .6?  I found myself mentally counting potential off spring from each donor – so if the donor donates 6 times – that is a lot of half sibs in the world….

Potential patients were told that they could count on getting four eggs and two embryos.  Fertility Argentina was not into cryo preservation.  If you didn’t get pregnant – come back. So was it really cheaper after all? I found myself playing with the numbers – I guess it depended on your luck. But what if you were not so lucky – was the price really cheaper then? I wasn’t sure.

I left before the seminar was over. I had heard enough. Dr. Glujovsky seemed like a nice enough man – and reputable enough as well.  His center in Argentina did a tremendous amount of cycles. There was nothing shady going on. No big expose to write.

Certainly flying 20 hours round trip to Argentina – seeing tango dancers – eating good beef and making a baby for less money – was an option.  Just as flying to NYC, seeing a Broadway show, the statue of Liberty of Liberty – and getting access to egg donation with American protocols was also an option for the patients that fly into the US every day to build their families.

So what was bothering me? I have to be honest – I am not really sure.

Perhaps it is that this is necessary at all.  That no matter which way the patients are flying – to the United States or out of the United States – that they are forced to leave their homes to get access to care to build their families. Perhaps it is the commercialization of infertility – the heavy marketing  – the hard sells.  I mean – it used to be that people went to IVF Clinics because they wanted a baby desperately – should we even be talking about museums?  Do other fields of medicine do this? What do you think?

Bottled water anyone?

Posted under "Cross Border Fertility Treatment", Donor Egg, Egg Donation, Egg Donor Compensation, Fertility, In Vitro Fertilization, Infertility, egg donors, eggs

I love studies!  And the newest one to make a wave over the media is that women  in their 30s and 40s are more willing to have lots of different kinds of sex as their biological clock ticks down.  Who knew that declining fertility was an aphrodisiac?

The study looked at women ages 27 to 45 – and called this behavior of women engaging in one night stands, and “adventurous bedroom behavior”   in response to their declining fertility “reproductive expediting”! As my mother would say “So that’s what they are calling it these days?”

“Our findings suggest that women don’t need to necessarily go ‘baby crazy’ in their 30s or go around thinking they’re supposed to be having a ’sexual peak,’” said study researcher Judith Easton, a psychology graduate student at the University of Texas at Austin.

“Our results suggest there is nothing special about the 30s, but that instead these behaviors manifest in all women with declining fertility,” Easton said. “It may be more difficult to conceive past the age of 35, but our research suggests women’s psychology will continue to motivate them to try until menopause.”

The researchers recruited 827 women from the University of Texas at Austin and from Craigslist.com. Most of the participants, 661, had no children.

Okay – stop here. Most of the participants had NO CHILDREN!!!!  Maybe – and this is just a theory here – these women wanted more sex as they got older because they were more comfortable with their bodies – knew more about what they wanted sexually – and they had no children so they were not exhausted and could actually have sexual desire!!  Or maybe – as the study concludes – they were “reproductive expediting”! We all have our theories….

The women were split into three groups: high fertility (ages 18 to 26); low fertility (27 to 45): and menopausal (46 and up). The respondents answered an online questionnaire about their sexual attitudes and behavior.

-Compared with the other groups, women in the low-fertility group were more likely to experience:

-Frequent sexual fantasies

-Thoughts about sexual activities

-More intense sexual fantasies than their younger counterparts

-A more active sex life and willingness to have a one-night stand

-A greater willingness to have casual sex

So maybe this is a biological thing – as the researchers suggest. That with declining fertility – a woman’s sex drive kicks into over drive in some wild biological response to filling our wombs.  But I will stick with my theory around these results.  Older women – with no children – have the time, energy, and self confidence to explore their sexuality.  I think women just get sexier with time!

Posted under Fertility, Reproductive Expediting, Self Image, Sex, sexual health, sexuality

We all need support. I know that I do. Sometimes I think that I need an entire staff of people to keep me on an even keel!  I get most of my support from friends – and sometimes we need friends that know just what we are going through. That is why there are support groups – and in today’s electronic age – support groups are forming all over the internet in forum-message board communities. Have you checked them out?

A few months ago there was a new entry into the fertility support community and it’s name is Face of Fertility. The Face of Fertility is a fertility forum which is a little different than most of the community web services that have been previous available to the fertility community.

Such as:

- A facebook integration that allows users to simultaneously posts in threads and on facebook walls.
- A full calendar with schedulable events and ability to track endless different statuses of how people are ‘going to an event’
- A convenient LiveChatBox on every page
- Automatic hyperlinking, just type the link
- User Embeddable videos just by clicking a button and pasting the url
- A user uploadable downloads section with 100+ Mbps Download speeds
- Hosted on a core i7 server, one of the most powerful systems available, therefor being a very fast responsive site”.

Face of Fertility is also a resource and gathering place for fertility professionals, and has blogs from respected professionals in the fertility community. There are also forums broken down by regions for centers to list themselves, private calendars, private fertility center forums,  and  customized homepages for members and fertility practices. And as they say – much, much more!

So check it out! Who knows who you might meet in the forums!

Posted under Face of Fertility

You know – when I was a kid – you didn’t hear about gay men wanting to become fathers.  There was so much to being a gay man in America – much of it was around basic survival in a society that  was only beginning to offer acceptance.  But now when I talk to young gay men – in their teens and twenties – becoming a father is as important to many of them as finding a good man to marry.  Some in the LGBT world would call this the assimilation of  gay men into “breeder culture”.  I say hog wash.  It’s simply evolution. When more opportunities are possible – people expand their desires.

To me it is about wanting the very natural and simple human connections of a life partner, children and family. Who says that gay men and women for that matter are not entitled to that if they want that? But there are people in the straight world – that don’t want to support gay marriage – or gay family building – and there are people in the gay world who view gay men who are creating families as “assimilators” or “Breeders”. My, we are a tough room to play – us humans. Don’t you think?

The world of gay male reproduction is a bit more complicated than most straight couples – infertile or fertile – or lesbian couples.  Yes – of course they come with plenty of sperm (in most cases), but it is the need for eggs and a surrogate that ups the ante for them.  It’s not just the emotional ante – it’s the legal and financial toll as well. Gay men who enter this world need a lot of support in so many ways.

They need to be able to afford to go through an extensive process of screening, finding a surrogate and an egg donor – as well as doing their family building in a state that will support their rights to the child once the baby is born.  California has been the most popular place for gay men who use surrogacy to build their families – and in the east coast – New Jersey and Connecticut.  But many still feel that California has the most protective laws for gay men building their families through surrogacy.

There are many surrogate and egg donation agencies that work with reproductive endocrinologists – the choices that gay men have now in who they work with are extensive. Often – straight doctors who are very happy to provide the services that gay men need to build their families.

But what I love – is when a well known gay man – who is known in the “straight” community as an exemplary reproductive endocrinologist for all people -  comes out to help other gay men build their families. To me – that is something really special.  Dr. Guy E. Ringler of California Fertility Partners recently profiled in The Fertility Race helping “Two Men and a Baby” is one of those men.  They even have “Gay Family Building” on their tool bar on their website.

To me – that is evolution.  Side by side with straight and lesbian couples – gay men are now building their families – and the slang “Gay Daddy” has come to have an entirely different meaning. Now it means  “Father”.

Posted under Egg Donation, Gay Marriage, Gay and Lesbian Family Building, change, egg donors